The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman · Laurence Sterne

Volume III, Chapter 10

130 of 315 · 4 min of reading

WHETHER Susannah, by taking her hand too suddenly from off the corporal’s shoulder (by the whisking about of her passions)----broke a little the chain of his reflexions----

Or whether the corporal began to be suspicious, he had got into the doctor’s quarters, and was talking more like the chaplain than himself----

Or whether - - - - - - - - Or whether----for in all such cases a man of invention and parts may with pleasure fill a couple of pages with suppositions----which of all these was the cause, let the curious physiologist, or the curious any body determine----’tis certain, at least, the corporal went on thus with his harangue.

For my own part, I declare it, that out of doors, I value not death at all:--not this . . added the corporal, snapping his fingers,--but with an air which no one but the corporal could have given to the sentiment.--In battle, I value death not this . . . and let him not take me cowardly, like poor Joe Gibbins, in scouring his gun.--What is he? A pull of a trigger--a push of a bayonet an inch this way or that--makes the difference.--Look along the line--to the right--see! Jack’s down! well,--’tis worth a regiment of horse to him.--No--’tis Dick._ Then Jack’s no worse.--Never mind which,--we pass on,--in hot pursuit the wound itself which brings him is not felt,--the best way is to stand up to him,--the man who flies, is in ten times more danger than the man who marches up into his jaws.--I’ve look’d him, added the corporal, an hundred times in the face,--and know what he is.--He’s nothing, Obadiah, at all in the field.--But he’s very frightful in a house, quoth Obadiah._----I never mind it myself, said Jonathan, upon a coach-box.--It must, in my opinion, be most natural in bed, replied Susannah._--And could I escape him by creeping into the worst calf’s skin that ever was made into a knapsack, I would do it there--said Trim--but that is nature.

----Nature is nature, said Jonathan._--And that is the reason, cried Susannah, I so much pity my mistress.--She will never get the better of it.--Now I pity the captain the most of any one in the family, answered Trim._----Madam will get ease of heart in weeping,--and the Squire in talking about it,--but my poor master will keep it all in silence to himself.--I shall hear him sigh in his bed for a whole month together, as he did for lieutenant Le Fever._ An’ please your honour, do not sigh so piteously, I would say to him as I laid besides him. I cannot help it, Trim, my master would say,--’tis so melancholy an accident--I cannot get it off my heart.--Your honour fears not death yourself.--I hope, Trim, I fear nothing, he would say, but the doing a wrong thing.----Well, he would add, whatever betides, I will take care of Le Fever’s boy.--And with that, like a quieting draught, his honour would fall asleep.

I like to hear Trim’s stories about the captain, said Susannah._--He is a kindly-hearted gentleman, said Obadiah, as ever lived.--Aye, and as brave a one too, said the corporal, as ever stept before a platoon.--There never was a better officer in the king’s army,--or a better man in God’s world; for he would march up to the mouth of a cannon, though he saw the lighted match at the very touch-hole,--and yet, for all that, he has a heart as soft as a child for other people.----He would not hurt a chicken.----I would sooner, quoth Jonathan, drive such a gentleman for seven pounds a year--than some for eight.--Thank thee, Jonathan!_ for thy twenty shillings,--as much, Jonathan, said the corporal, shaking him by the hand, as if thou hadst put the money into my own pocket.----I would serve him to the day of my death out of love. He is a friend and a brother to me,--and could I be sure my poor brother Tom was dead,--continued the corporal, taking out his handkerchief,--was I worth ten thousand pounds, I would leave every shilling of it to the captain.----Trim could not refrain from tears at this testamentary proof he gave of his affection to his master.----The whole kitchen was affected.--Do tell us the story of the poor lieutenant, said Susannah._----With all my heart, answered the corporal.

Susannah, the cook, Jonathan, Obadiah, and corporal Trim, formed a circle about the fire; and as soon as the scullion had shut the kitchen door,--the corporal begun.

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End of part 130 of 315