The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman · Laurence Sterne

Volume IV, Chapter 16

239 of 315 · 2 min of reading

AS I perceived the commissary of the post-office would have his six livres four sous, I had nothing else for it, but to say some smart thing upon the occasion, worth the money:

And so I set off thus:----

----And pray, Mr. Commissary, by what law of courtesy is a defenceless stranger to be used just the reverse from what you use a Frenchman in this matter?

By no means; said he.

Excuse me; said I--for you have begun, Sir, with first tearing off my breeches--and now you want my pocket----

Whereas--had you first taken my pocket, as you do with your own people--and then left me bare a--’d after--I had been a beast to have complain’d----

As it is----

----’Tis contrary to the law of nature._

----’Tis contrary to reason._

----’Tis contrary to the GOSPEL.

But not to this----said he--putting a printed paper into my hand,

PAR le ROY.

------’Tis a pithy prolegomenon, quoth I--and so read on -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

----By all which it appears, quoth I, having read it over, a little too rapidly, that if a man sets out in a post-chaise from Paris--he must go on travelling in one, all the days of his life--or pay for it.--Excuse me, said the commissary, the spirit of the ordinance is this--That if you set out with an intention of running post from Paris to Avignon, &c. you shall not change that intention or mode of travelling, without first satisfying the fermiers for two posts further than the place you repent at--and ’tis founded, continued he, upon this, that the REVENUES are not to fall short through your fickleness----

----O by heavens! cried I--if fickleness is taxable in France--we have nothing to do but to make the best peace with you we can----

AND SO THE PEACE WAS MADE;

----And if it is a bad one--as Tristram Shandy laid the corner-stone of it--nobody but Tristram Shandy ought to be hanged.

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End of part 239 of 315